Every Billy Joel Song, Ranked (ugh)
Yes, this is the lamest thing I've ever done. No, I don't need you to tell me that.
For some reason my book club read the autobiography of Billy Joel’s drummer, Liberty Devitto, he of ankle watch fame. To spice up our meeting I decided to rank every Billy Joel song.
Let me be clear: I am not a Billy Joel fan. I do not sit around listening to Billy Joel. Just like you, I find most of his music intolerable. However, his discography is seared into my psyche forever because at the age of 8, Billy Joel became my very first music obsession.
As a result, I did not need to do any “research” for this list. I only had to dig through cringy memories of thinking this man is a god. The songs are not numbered but they are ordered.
Ugh, anyway. Here you go …
Objectively Good Songs
“Vienna” — The Stranger (1977)
“New York State of Mind” — Turnstiles (1976)
“And So It Goes” — Storm Front (1989)
“Shameless” — Storm Front (1989)
“She’s Got a Way” — Songs in the Attic (1981)
“Say Goodbye To Hollywood” — Turnstiles (1976)
“You May Be Right” — Glass Houses (1980)
“The Longest Time” — An Innocent Man (1983)
“Only the Good Die Young” — The Stranger (1977)
“She’s Always a Woman” — The Stranger (1977)
Probably Not ‘Good,’ But I Like Them Anyway
“Big Man on Mulberry Street” — The Bridge (1986)
“Sleeping With the Television On — Glass Houses (1980)
“I Don’t Want To Be Alone” — Glass Houses (1980)
“Ain’t No Crime” — Piano Man (1973)
“Zanzibar” — 52nd Street (1978)
“Careless Talk” — An Innocent Man (1983)
“Close to the Borderline” — Glass Houses (1980)
“Rosalinda’s Eyes” — 52nd Street (1978)
“Leave a Tender Moment Alone” — An Innocent Man (1983)
“Until the Night” — 52nd Street (1978)
I Mean … I’ll Allow It
“All You Wanna Do Is Dance” — Turnstiles (1976)
“Scenes From an Italian Restaurant” — The Stranger (1977)
“Movin’ Out” — The Stranger (1977)
“Allentown” — The Nylon Curtain (1982)
“Don’t Ask Me Why” — Glass Houses (1980)
“Just the Way You Are” — The Stranger (1977)
“The Downeaster ‘Alexa’” — Storm Front (1989)
“Miami 2017” — Turnstiles (1976)
So Bad It’s … Not ‘Good,’ But Like … Enjoyable
“All For Leyna” — Glass Houses (1980)
“Sometimes a Fantasy” — Glass Houses (1980)
“Angry Young Man” — Turnstiles (1976)
“Captain Jack” — Piano Man (1973)
“Code of Silence” (feat. Cyndi Lauper) — The Bridge (1986)
Alright Man Whatever
“It’s Still Rock and Roll to Me” — Glass Houses (1980)
“I Go to Extremes” — Storm Front (1989)
“Worse Comes to Worst” — Piano Man (1973)
“This Night” — An Innocent Man (1983)
“Summer, Highland Falls” — Turnstiles (1976)
“A Matter of Trust” — The Bridge (1986)
“Somewhere Along the Line” — Piano Man (1973)
“Nocturne” — Cold Spring Harbor (1971)
“Last of the Big Time Spenders” — Streetlife Serenade (1974)
“Souvenir” — Streetlife Serenade (1974)
“The Mexican Connection” — Streetlife Serenade (1974)
“I’ve Loved These Days” — Turnstiles (1976)
“Through the Long Night” — Glass Houses (1980)
“Keeping the Faith” — An Innocent Man (1983)
“You Can Make Me Free” — Cold Spring Harbor (1971)
“Why Judy Why” — Cold Spring Harbor (1971)
“Tomorrow Is Today” — Cold Spring Harbor (1971)
“Got to Begin Again” — Cold Spring Harbor (1971)
“Los Angelenos” — Streetlife Serenade (1974)
You Are Starting to Irritate Me, Billy
“Everybody Loves You Now” — Cold Spring Harbor (1971)
“The Stranger” — The Stranger (1977)
“James” — Turnstiles (1976)
“Travelin’ Prayer” — Piano Man (1973)
“My Life” — 52nd Street (1978)
“Streetlife Serenader” — Streetlife Serenade (1974)
“Honesty” — 52nd Street (1978)
“An Innocent Man” — An Innocent Man (1983)
“Baby Grand” (feat. Ray Charles) — The Bridge (1986)
“You’re My Home” — Piano Man (1973)
“Where’s the Orchestra” — The Nylon Curtain (1982)
“She’s Right On Time” — The Nylon Curtain (1982)
“Falling of the Rain” — Cold Spring Harbor (1971)
“Getting Closer” — The Bridge (1986)
“Roberta” — Streetlife Serenade (1974)
“Scandinavian Skies” — The Nylon Curtain (1982)
“Surprises” — The Nylon Curtain (1982)
OK Now You Are Definitely Irritating Me
“The Ballad of Billy the Kid” — Piano Man (1973)
“Tell Her About It” — An Innocent Man (1983)
“Get It Right the First Time” — The Stranger (1977)
“Half a Mile Away” — 52nd Street (1978)
“Temptation” — The Bridge (1986)
“If I Only Had the Words” — Piano Man (1973)
“Stop in Nevada” — Piano Man (1973)
“Everybody Has a Dream” — The Stranger (1977)
“Stiletto” — 52nd Street (1978)
“Turn Around” — Cold Spring Harbor (1971)
“This Is the Time” — The Bridge (1986)
Oh My God Dude Please Stop
“We Didn’t Start the Fire” — Storm Front (1989)
“Leningrad” — Storm Front (1989)
“The Great Suburban Showdown” — Streetlife Serenade (1974)
“Weekend Song” — Streetlife Serenade (1974)
“State of Grace” — Storm Front (1989)
“You Look so Good to Me” — Cold Spring Harbor (1971)
“A Room of Our Own” — The Nylon Curtain (1982)
“That’s Not Her Style” — Storm Front (1989)
“Easy Money” — An Innocent Man (1983)
“Root Beer Rag” — Streetlife Serenade (1974)
“The Entertainer” — Streetlife Serenade (1974)
“Goodnight Saigon” — The Nylon Curtain (1982)
“When In Rome” — Storm Front (1989)
This Is Terrorism and Billy Should Be in Gitmo
“Christie Lee” — An Innocent Man (1983)
“Uptown Girl” — An Innocent Man (1983)
“52nd Street” — 52nd Street (1978)
“Modern Woman” — The Bridge (1986)
“Big Shot” — 52nd Street (1978)
“Piano Man” — Piano Man (1973)
“C’etait toi” — Glass Houses (1980)
“Running On Ice” — The Bridge (1986)
“Laura” — The Nylon Curtain (1982)
“Pressure” — The Nylon Curtain (1982)
“Storm Front” — Storm Front (1989)
River of Dreams Is Maybe the Most Unlistenable Album Ever
River of Dreams (1993)